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If the attorney's conduct is the problem. State bars are professional associations that regulate their own members, and most complaints go nowhere. California's bar opened over 18,000 misconduct cases in 2024 and filed formal charges in fewer than 100, under 1 percent. A single complaint rarely moves anyone; a documented pattern, several people describing the same conduct with dates and paperwork, is harder to dismiss. If you find other parents this attorney has treated the same way, compare notes and consider filing together. Search “[your state] bar attorney discipline complaint” to find your state's process. If the conduct crosses into something criminal, such as a forged document or witness tampering, ask a lawyer whether a coordinated report to your district attorney fits.

If a judge's conduct is the problem. Disagreeing with a ruling is not misconduct; use an appeal for that. Actual bias, ex parte contact, or abuse of authority can be reported to your state's judicial conduct commission. Search “[your state] commission on judicial conduct.”

Do not assume that joint counseling, mediation, confrontation, a family meeting, or a meeting with clergy is safe merely because it sounds peaceful. Before a voluntary joint process, seek separate screening by a professional with specific domestic-violence and coercive-control training.